I know, you read the title here, and
warning bells start ringing around you. Me too. It’s how most of us are
accustomed to reacting whenever we have anything to do with mental health. But
you know what, that’s not how things are supposed to be. What we are only
talking about here is basic stuff to begin with- our mood, our thoughts,
especially now in these difficult times.
Focus on yourself first-how
differently are you feeling now as compared to “normal times”? sometimes good,
when you think about all the good which this lockdown has brought- family time,
good and clean air to breathe in, not getting stuck in traffic etc. The funny-
the weird poses we all seem to take in trying to do jhadu pocha, me or my
sister trying to do some kitchen work which we have never done before, with
some pretty funny results (like parathas in all sorts of shapes and sizes). And
then the bad- no maids, having to do all household chores yourself (or with
your partner, but in any case chores you are not used to doing yourself for the
majority of the time), juggling professional duties at the same time, and add
to it, having your baby to manage while doing everything else. Sometimes, the
bad can move to frustrating as well, not deliberately, but just a feeling of
everything falling down on your head simultaneously.
Does all of this sound familiar to
you?
Now, try to picture this scenario in
your child’s mind, and try to equate your multiple types of feelings with
theirs.
The first week of the lockdown, maybe
your child is feeling this is a vacation. Now I am talking here about kids of all
ages, ok. Week 1 is good. No school or day care, you get to sleep in, eat yummy
food all day which mom or dad have been preparing, watch as much tv as you want.
Enter week 2- it’s been a whole week.
They are not allowed to step out, there is still no school, and to top it all,
they can’t even meet their friends in the park at home. Mom and dad are
becoming a little irritable, so are the kids. The slightly older ones, they
lash out. Which is good, because they are able to express that cooped up
feeling inside their head, and let’s face it, we are not in this situation
because of anything the kids did, right? But the smaller ones, the toddlers and
the babies, they do not know how to express what’s going on in their head. The
only way they are able to do this- what we may ordinarily term as behavioural
issues. They may start throwing things around, cry a lot, tear up things, draw
on walls, and maybe many other things which you are personally dealing with
even now, and I am not able to imagine. This is only attention seeking
behaviour, the only thing they are able to do to maybe catch your eye. Again,
they are facing a punishment for something wrong done by someone else.
Bottom line, it’s time to focus on
mental health. We are all feeling cooped up and frustrated, again irrespective
of the age. For the kids, add all the unspent physical energy inside them in
addition to everything else.
Let’s all try to deal with this
together. It’s the little things which may help, but we each have to find our
own. What I try to do- maintain some kind of a routine. I try to remember this
isn’t a holiday, so I wake up the same time I did during a working week. The
kids should do that too. I freshen up and have my breakfast, but while I can’t
drive down to work, I try to substitute that with some household chore. I spend
some time at work, which is of course of a different nature right now than
earlier. I have lunch, I watch some tv, do a jigsaw puzzle or read a book, work
some more. I have a zoom call with my team every day, it helps us all break the
monotony of the day. I write…
The kids should have a routine too, as
should you. The kids can continue to wake up on time, have breakfast, take a
bath, and maybe follow some of the routine they would at school. A prayer, an
exercise, some learning, and lots of play.
And well, for these three weeks, we
are stuck with whatever company there is at home 😊,
so make the most of it. Set aside some family time every day. And get involved
in each other’s activities. The kids can be made to participate in whatever
household chore they can do at their age. Basic dusting, some help in the
kitchen, keeping their own room/toy box neat and tidy, folding clothes, etc.
The adults in the house should play games and do activities at their kid’s
level. For toddlers, make and play games with them (we hope to help you just a
little with some basic activities each day), read books with them, draw with them.
The older ones have started online school, help them understand the topic which
they are not able to understand, help them with their homework if they need it,
play board games with them, do puzzles with them.
Talk
to each other, a lot. Catch up on all that you may have missed all this while.
Reconnect with your friends, help your kids connect with theirs. Technology has
made our life so much easier with all the video calls we can do, one thing we
can be thankful for in these times.
Above
all, remain calm at times when you feel like you may just lose it, remember,
every other member of your family is going through the same, be it a child, a
parent, a grandparent, male or female.
Together,
we can come out of this stronger, mentally as well as emotionally.
and
yeah, do share your comments on how you are dealing with this situation at
home. What’s the good that is happening, the funny, how you are dealing with
the difficult. We can all learn from each other, and reading what you have to
say might just give an idea about what to write next 😊
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