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Tips on How to Normalize Thank You and Sorry

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 Last week, we did a post on how our experience taught us that children find it difficult to say Thank You and Sorry as they grow older, and how Sorry was somewhat tougher to express as compared to Thank You. This week, we shall try to cover some basic tips which we as guardians (parents, grandparents, educators, caregivers) can incorporate into our daily routine, and as a matter of habit, to help inculcate a sense of ease in children when it comes to gratitude as well as regret.


HOW TO NORMALIZE SORRY AND THANK YOU

Make thank you and sorry a part of the regular conversation

Talk about different circumstances under which you may need to thank or apologize. You can turn this into a game. Give your child a situation, and ask them how they would react.

Don't hesitate to say thank you or sorry around your child. Whether this is at home (to your partner, to your child, to your domestic help, to your parents, to guests), at the market, in the park, if the situation warrants it. 

Make your child's educators a party to this situation

Let this learning go in tandem at home and school. It is very important for you and your child's teachers to be on the same page. To this end, be open to their feedback as much as they should be open to yours.

Let me share something we have recently started at Morning Glorie's online preschool in India.

"Thank you God for the world so sweet,

Thank you God for the food we eat.

Thank you God for the birds that sing,

Thank you God for everything."

This is a very basic prayer, that we started doing at Morning Glorie's online preschool in India recently. It's very simple, kids love to learn it, and it talks about some very simple stuff we can be thankful for. We add on to it being thankful for our parents, or for the flowers in the garden and so on. 


You can do something similar at home as well. Many households already start the day, or end the day with a prayer. A lot of our children know basic shlokas because they are done at home, or even at Morning Glorie. You can add a simple prayer in a language they understand.

Control your own reactions

Don't express anger if your child doesn't react appropriately. Ignore at that time, and talk about it with them later. Chances are, if you give them adequate time, they will have forgotten the specific incident, and not be on the defensive. This is possibly the most important as well as toughest thing you can do for them. Be especially sure to not react adversely when there are other people around. If you feel that the situation demands your immediate attention (specially true when it's a SORRY situation), and your child isn't reacting as they should, calmly ask them to step away. Insisting on their saying sorry may only lead them to adversely react to you as well, which is not going to help matters. If you need to, apologize for their behaviour to the aggrieved party to diffuse the situation. When your child is calmer, you can have a frank discussion with them, and get them to apologize to the concerned party.

The same holds for thank you as well. 

Remember to be Fair

It is understandable and only right that your child knows that you are in their corner - always. You are there to support them, in good times, and in bad. Having said that, you must try to be fair in recognizing where your child stands vis a vis the other party under the circumstances - whether it is a thank you scenario, or a sorry scenario. Don't rush to a conclusion one way or the other.

Sometimes, it may be difficult to accept that your child may be in the wrong. It is an instinct. Learn to trust a neutral party's assessment of the situation - this may be a grandparent, or a teacher at preschool or school or daycare. Instead of going on the defensive yourself, hear out the whole situation, and try to rationalize. This is good for your child in the long run, and they are able to escape a sense of entitlement.

Maintain a Balance Between the Thank You and the Sorry

As social beings, we sometimes fall into the trap of harping on the negatives and forgetting the positives. We tend to focus on what those around us, including the children, are doing wrong, while taking for granted all that they are doing right. So it may happen that we are noticing when they are not saying sorry, while ignoring when they are saying thank you. While focusing on the Sorry, don't forget about that Thank You. And while gently working on including both phrases in your child's life, don't forget about acknowledging all the right that they do. 

Remember, positive reinforcement works best in getting the desired results.

Next up - Stories for Values and Good Habits in Children

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