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Conflict in Parenting Approaches and Impact on Your Child


 

The thing with working with kids and interacting with parents - be it in creche with smaller babies, preschool with toddlers, after school care with older kids, or even now, in our online preschool classes - is that we get to discuss many parenting challenges. Many of them have a common thread irrespective of the age of the child.

One such issue which many parents face is

Conflict in Parenting Approaches

This isn't necessarily a broad issue which is present all the time, though it could be, in which case you need to sit down and discuss to reach a common ground. Sometimes, it can just be small, specific instances. A few examples -

1. Your child asking for an expensive toy, to get it for them or not
2. Your child refusing to eat food, one of you insists on them finishing it, the other feels like leniency is the way to go
3. When your child is throwing a tantrum, one of you disciplines them, the other tries to protect them from the disciplining

These are just a few simple examples of what parents discuss with us.

Our first response to this is what is represented in the image above -

1. It's normal to have these conflicts

Just because you are a couple, does not mean you have identical thought processes or approaches towards different situations. Your individuality is what helps nurture your child's upbringing and shape their personality as well 

2. These conflicts must be resolved away from the child. You must present a united front before your child

Children are very empathetic. They sense the conflict, and can either get confused, or turn the situation to their advantage. For instance, knowing which parent is lenient and  going to them for everything they want, thereby negating the authority of the other parent, and leading to more conflict between the two of you. 

Always present a united front in front of your child. Find ways to reach a balancing ground in any of these situations away from your child.

Present day parenting and schools

The above mentioned conflicts sometimes reflect in schools as well. A teacher often has a minor fallout, for the lack of a better word, with a child in their care. This could happen at a preschool, or in formal school for older kids. We have often seen toddlers tell us, when they don't like something, that they will tell mamma or papa. Sometimes, for older kids, when they are disciplined by a teacher, they actually end up complaining to their parents.

Times are tough, of course you have to look out for your child's interests. But, as a parent, please remember that it is important to find out the complete picture. Most times, this is something which is between your child and their educator. So, do not act impulsively - for instance, calling up the teacher in front of your child. Listen to your child, tell them you understand, and get the teacher's perspective as well without involving your child, before sorting out the issue.

Remember, just like both parents represent authority figures for your child, and neither's authority should be undermined, similarly, your child's teacher has a special role to play, which again should not be undermined.



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